March 6, 2026

Kicking off a conversation with “How are you?” will end it pretty quickly with the standard reply: “good” Yawn! It’s like pressing play on the same old social script. I mean, how many of us say this to people that really don’t care to know the answer to. I have asked this question and answered it too many times to count. 

Several years ago, I came to a realization: when people asked me how I was doing, I would often respond with my current state. Sometimes I’d say “good,” other times “could be better,” or I might share a bit about my day. However, one day, after learning that a friend had been diagnosed with cancer, I was walking into church when the greeter, a familiar face from our small group, smiled and asked, “How are you?” I replied, “Well, I’m okay, but a friend was just diagnosed with cancer, and she’s not okay.” To my surprise, his cheerful response was simple. “Good to hear,” as he looked past me, urging me to move along. He was on auto as he was doing his job. He had no idea what I said. I was young and dumb and up until then, I truly believed people cared about each other when asking the common question but I learned then that it was a common, polite thing we do.

Over the years, individuals have added creativity into their responses with phrases like “six feet above ground” or “living the dream.” However, do these expressions truly make for a better conversation? Nope it ends just as quickly as it begins. While these responses show a hint of humor or irony, they often fail to foster genuine connection. In reality, many people may find it more comfortable to avoid deeper interactions, opting for these safer responses. Personally, I find that sarcasm annoying when I genuinely want to know. If you don’t want me to talk to you, make sure you use these phrases, making me aware, nice and loud, that you don’t want to take the conversation any further. Haha!

I find it quite fascinating that when one of my blessings was in a small group for young adults, I was also in a group at the same time, surrounded by all the “older, wiser” individuals, or so I thought. It’s amusing to reflect on how much I learned about socialization by the end of the training. Often, we would share comments like, “Oh, I’ve always done it this way,” or “I didn’t realize I was so socially awkward.” The big take away, I think, for all, was try to avoid asking questions where the answers would be a simple “yes” or “no” or even one word. Ask questions that provoke thought to the answer. Even in my older, wiser years, I am still learning simple social skills. Looking back, I recall one lesson focused on how to gracefully exit a conversation, and I confessed that this had always been awkward for me. I never knew the right moment to end a discussion, often resorting to simply walking away. I still catch myself doing this occasionally. One moment I am engaged, and then suddenly—boom—I’m gone, leaving the other person puzzled about what just happened. Oops….

Some take aways from these social groups are always good to review.

Mastering the Art of Gab:

The Fab Four of Chit-Chat!

• Relation: Ensure that your contributions represent the topic.
• Manner: Express yourself clearly.
• Quantity: Share just the right amount; not too much, not too little.
• Quality: Make sure your statements are true.
  

Even More Gabbing Skills:

• Pause before responding.
• Avoid interrupting others.
• Engage with everyone, not just one person.
• Make eye contact with the person(s) you are talking to.
• Be cautious about oversharing personal details.
• Tune In and Stay Inquisitive.
• Embrace Your Inner Open Book.

Examples to ask besides “How are You?”

• What have you been doing today?
• What’s been on your mind lately?
• What’s the latest book/movie/show you’ve read/watched and what did you like about it?

And a family favorite we like to do: HIGH – LO – BUFFALO!

High: The best part of the day!
Low: A challenge, a struggle, or something that didn’t go well!
Buffalo: A random, funny, interesting, or unexpected fact about the day!

Let me know if talking comes easy to you, and if it doesn’t, were the above suggestions helpful?

Blessings,
Jennifer

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