November 6, 2021

I finished up a 12 step program through Celebrate Recovery that takes you through an inventory from the time you can remember until present. It’s a lot of work that brings up many emotions you’d rather not uncover but it is worth it in the end. I’ve done this through EMDR therapy in the past, too, as I was needing to not allow past things to have such a hold on me plus I couldn’t remember much of my childhood. Little by little, memories come back — some wonderful, some not so much.

Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Colossians 3:13-14

In the Celebrate Recovery inventory, you write down everything you’ve said or done to hurt others and make an amends if you haven’t done so already. Then, you write down everything you can remember of those who have hurt you and forgive if you haven’t already. The point in doing all this is to so you’re not keeping a record of wrongs going on in your mind anytime you see or think about the person(s) but instead put it on paper and let it go. Unfortunately, we cannot forget some things we would like, and once in awhile after doing inventory things will still come up but you can confidently say, ”I’ve already forgiven” and move on.

PEN to PAPER to FREEDOM

I remember thinking, “boy, if I remember all the wrong I did to others, would they not also remember the wrong they did to me?!”, and I felt many emotions over it. When I was going through 12 step, I learned that not everyone will ask forgiveness for doing you wrong, and that must be okay because the point of forgiving is for your benefit, not theirs. When and if that person decides to do an inventory, it will be their responsibility to make the amends to whomever they know they need to.

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

When we had children, we quickly learned how much we would mess up so once they were toddlers, we needed to teach them to not only ask forgiveness if they wronged someone but we had to ask forgiveness from them as well. I was asking forgiveness of my children at least once a week, if not multiple times. Our children learned that in doing this, it made our relationships stronger and better than ever. It was so good for us all to keep short accounts with God and each other. This also made for good conversation when we hurt each others feelings and were able to talk it through.

Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”
Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Matthew 18:21-22

Something God showed me recently with one of my blessings is that I obviously haven’t asked forgiveness for everything. I am so thankful that I was able to have a heart to heart, having transparency so she was able to share with me something that I said many years ago that had hurt her. I could have dismissed her hurt, but it was very eye opening for me as I didn’t see it from her perspective when I had said it. Thankfully, I was able to ask forgiveness and be forgiven which was wonderfully healing for both of us.

The goal, as brothers ands sisters in Christ, we are to have a spirit of reconciliation, ask forgiveness, forgive those who seek forgiveness, bury the hatchet, letting the past stay in the past. We are not to keep a record of wrongs yet many will let accusations fly, dredge up past sins, and spew such hatred. Sadly, I’ve been there, done that. I am pretty sure we all have. This is not love. Love is selfless and doesn’t focus on one’s own pain but instead on the needs of your loved ones, even the most unloveable. Something God has taught me is that if I am praying, for even my worst enemy, I can have love for them because I will then be seeing them as Christ does. It is crazy how it works, but I have proven it does. It will take any bitterness away that I’ve had toward a person.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
I Corinthians 13

My prayer is that I will keep short accounts with God and others. We also have to remember we are not the Holy Spirit and cannot convict. I am just so thankful I can forgive and be forgiven, whether it’s received or not. This is the freedom in letting go and letting God handle your problems, and everyone else’s too.

Blessings,
Jennifer