June 26, 2020

For the longest time I believed that I really didn’t have many problems, if any at all. When we are growing up we probably don’t think too deep on the rights and wrongs of the world. You adapt and adjust pretty much to the world you’re given because there’s really no other choice.

You can be thankful for boundaries, even though you might not think through the consequences without them. As you start “adulting” you are thankful for your new found freedom where you get to make all decisions on your own and no one gets a say, which is the beauty of growing old….not so gracefully.

There are times I have thought that I would sure like to go back to being a child because even though I may have disliked needing to eat all my dinner including the veggies that made me want to puke or I had a bedtime routine or when I got older and started driving, I had a curfew, it was for my good to have these rules. God handpicked who would raise us, and we should be forever grateful for that knowing it is for His perfect plan and purpose and He doesn’t make mistakes.

There have been many times I have wished God would just show up in my home and tell me what to do next. Sometimes life is not that simple but a good rule I have tried to live by is to see if the choice I am making lines up with scripture or not.

All through life we have choices to go left or right. Will we make all the right choices? Absolutely not. If you say you made bad choices before becoming a Christian but because you are now saved you no longer make bad choices or have struggles, I would say you’re lying…or in denial.

The first time I remember going to counseling was when I was a teenager. I had struggles, as everyone does, but I believe, for me, some of my biggest struggles I kept to myself maybe for fear of judgment of me or others in my life. Judgement for having many different emotions over difficult things I experienced and didn’t know what to do with them. I could not even express how I felt to the first two counselors because I didn’t know how.

Over the years, I’ve learned when I am in a stressful situation that I can have a feeling of not being present. The first time I remember feeling that way was when I was maybe around 12 years old. I didn’t understand what that was but after going through so many counseling sessions on my own or with others, I have learned that you “fight”, “flight”, or “freeze”. There are instances throughout my life that I have done all of these at one time or another. Again, I believe we all have this mechanism in us because we are human.

I’ve learned that the feeling I have of being here, but not being here is because I am freezing, knowing I can’t leave the situation because maybe I’m needed to be present but my mind is just not wanting to stay. I can say that when I have these moments, I have operated on auto. I believe everyone can relate. You just go through the motions without allowing the stressful situation take you completely down.

I think many people may see Christianity as weak because you are dependent on Someone. Others might think you’re weak if you seek help through counseling or need anxiety pills or any medication for your mental health. I think it’s brave when you reach out to God and others to help you along the way. Now, are there bad counselors out there? For sure! I haven’t always had Christian counselors but I do think it’s best so they are operating under the same Book as you are.

However, in saying that, I have had some wonderful non-Christian counselors, and a couple, not so much. I’ve had two counselors in the past that have actually been more hurtful. I would suggest to pray and pray again over who and where.

I’ve tried to make it a point to pray before I read a book or listen to a message that if at anytime it is not God honoring I would recognize that, throw it away (I’ve done this with a handful of books because I don’t even want to donate them because I don’t want others getting bad advice. Haha!) or I turn it off. It’s so easy, at least for me, to get pulled in a direction I never intended. This is why I specifically don’t watch the news as it can really upset me of all the negative things going on which I can decide to take on when I really shouldn’t. I also think it’s easier for us to believe lies versus Truth, so in everything we must be careful like the song I learned when I was a child, Oh be careful, Little Eyes.

Probably one of the greatest places I’ve received more healing from is Celebrate Recovery. It’s a 12 step Christian program for “hurts, habits, and hang-ups” I so wish I would’ve started attending when I was 18, but I think, like most, I never thought I had baggage. And if you say you never have had baggage, I believe you are lying….or in denial. Most of us have more baggage than we would like to admit but we are a fallen world so it’s quite normal.

The problem is if you don’t deal with your issues, they will continue to pile up until it seems like everything is falling out of place, and nothing seems right. I wish that everyone would go to Celebrate Recovery because it’s pretty tough to move ahead if you keep looking back, and you might not think you’re looking back, but how you view yourself and others is a picture into your past.

If you deal with the hurts, you remove those scabs, clean the wound, some which will be deep and hard to go through, and you work through it with God and others, and those relationships will be so much better than they ever were and so much better than expected. Growing pains hurt but they are needed.

Before I attended Celebrate Recovery, I was introduced to Life’s Healing Choices as well as Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets them Free. Both books were fantastic, and God used them to open my eyes to so much. I had at least one of my older children read the first book and the second book had a version for young women that at least one of my girlies read and presently my littlest girlie is going through the one for girls with me. She may not have thought about some of the struggles she will have so I’m thankful for good books based on a solid foundation.

Celebrate Recovery has eight principles:

1. Realize I am not God! (to Christians we may think, “of course I know I am not God!” However, if you look at your day to day life, you just might find yourself surprised at how much you do to try and be God.)
2. Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover. (I matter and you matter no matter what!)
3. Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control. (This must be daily or your life will become unmanageable eventually)
4. Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, God, and someone I trust. (Again, this must be daily to God or it will get easy to be blinded by your sin. This is why accountability and discipleship are so important!)
5. Voluntarily submit to any and all changes God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects. (The wonderful freedom is we have a choice, and the choice is to serve God and others or serve self. This can be so tough because sometimes it’s hard to see our own selfishness and sin because pride has taken root so we may think we can do no wrong and easily examine other’s wrongs instead.)
6. Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for hurting others. (Sometimes you will have to forgive without the person asking forgiveness. Not everyone thinks they’ve done wrong, and that needs to be okay. Sometimes you will ask forgiveness, and it won’t be accepted, and that needs to be okay. God sent His Son to die for me so if He can forgive me, I can surely forgive others and vice versa. I’ve also learned if I choose not to forgive, I’m the one suffering the most because it will quickly lead to bitterness, anger, and even hate. And over the years, I’ve learned that in order to not have unhealthy feelings toward someone, I must pray for them. You cannot remain angry at someone you are praying for. I also need to remember that my war is not against flesh and blood but against the spiritual forces of evil.)
7. Reserve a daily time with God and self-examination, prayer, and Bible reading in order to know God and His will for my life and to gain the power to follow His will. (If I stop reading His Word for even a day, it’s easy to fall off the track. I also journal a lot, usually in the evening, when I can reflect quietly on my day.)
8. Yield myself to God to be used to bring the Good News to others, both by my example and my words. (Ask God how to make the most of every opportunity.)

If I were to pick one group of people to surround myself with weekly, Celebrate Recovery is where I would go. Everyone who goes there knows they are broken vessels and simply need someone to listen and be surrounded by people who won’t judge but instead love them right where they are at. We don’t try to fix, just listen. It is crazy how healing that is. It is my prayer that people realize how beautiful it is to God to admit our brokenness so He can continually mold us into something so amazingly beautiful.

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” Psalm 51:17

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Blessings,
Jennifer